IN TODAY’S NEWS…

1. SOAP BOX: CAN OF WORMS TO BE PUT IN THE TRASH- LIKE YOU WOULD, WELL, A CAN OF WORMS.

If you, like I, think that Can of Worms is quite possibly the most ridiculous clusterfuck on TV right now, you would be right.  Besides all its obvious flaws, (tries to stir controversy in the most pathetic fashion/stole Q&A format but forgot the very crucial part where you invite guests of authority on matter at hand/hired Ian “Dicko” Dickson) it’s managed to go above and beyond.  That is, above previous expectations that moderate offense would ensue should one watch the show and beyond all notions of socially acceptable topics for discussion.

The topic in question: “Should young women stop dressing so slutty?”

The answer:  Clementine Ford said it far better than I could-

 “I’m angry that, only two months after people around Australia marched in solidarity with survivors of sexual assault as part of the global Slutwalk movement, we’re right back to where we started. In opening its deliberately provocative and poorly worded ‘can of worms’, Q & A For Dumb People has once again aided society in reducing the argument around sexual assault to something as unsophisticated and blatantly incorrect as the manner of a woman’s dress.

 The very premise of the show presumes that this issue is taboo – as if women aren’t told every day of their lives that the length of their skirt is more responsible for preventing sexual assault and harassment than people are from, you know, perpetrating it. This is shocking?”

 Read more…A pathetic excuse for a Can of Worms by CLEMENTINE FORD

2. AN AD THAT DIDN’T SUCK: ‘LEAKY POCKETS’ BY CLEMENGER BBDO MELBOURNE FOR NAB

Every bank and his dog wants us to believe they’re trustworthy and well, not evil. NAB took a crack at achieving just that.

This ad doesn’t suck for a few reasons.  One being that its insight was interesting.  Australians are an honest bunch?  Really? Okay, I can get on board with that. NAB are going to try and replicate that honesty?  Fine.

It’s simple, persuasive and I didn’t cringe- not once (thanks Clems).

3. TUNES FOR GOONS: MONDO BOYS- WEIRD SUMMER 3 DESERT ISLAND A MIXTAPE

As the warmer weather pokes holes in your winter induced depressive slump, get the fuck on the internetz (oh your already here?) and download THIS mixtape.  Fairly certain it’s the music equivalent of a nuddy run in the sun.

4.  BLOG YOUR HOLE:  MARMADUKE DOES IT AGAIN

Meg Zimmermann aka Marmaduke is a blogger, part time naughty schoolgirl, fulltime troll, cheese eating extraordinaire.  Her words are sharp jabs of brutal honesty your mummy would never allow; her grammar is atrocious but you forgive her for it- after all, you want to keep your appendages in tact don’t you?

Here’s a snippet of her genius…

If you live on campus at Uni or had a mother who ran a tight ship, then you might be able to relate to this post. Today was vacuum day…(P.S why the fuck is “vacuum” spelt like that? it took me ages to work out!). Anyway today was vacuum day, which means at some ungodly hour some kind hairy butch lady is likely to burst into your room and start ruining your day. Now I don’t mind a good vacuum, sometimes I even enjoy the fulfilling sensation that comes with a clean floor. The days of decreasing cleanliness that follow sometimes just make me highly excitable for the next vacuum instalment. But there’s a problem, my room, for some reason thinks it’s an oven rather than a housing unit. The temperature of my room is undoubtedly is 15 degrees hotter than the temperature in the hallway.

Sometimes it’s a blessing, like when I think it’s a good idea to walk home drunk because I’ve had enough of hitting on lowie’s/fatties for one night. It’s so cold outside that the lure of my warm bat-cave thaws me out within 30 seconds. Also, because my room has floor heating I’ve been considering just leaving food in air tight containers on my carpet, going out, and then coming home to a nice steamed floor meal.  In my mind it seems fairly plausible and only slightly unsafe….

So basically, because my room is training me to get ready for where I’m probably going when I die (Hell), I have to sleep naked. If I don’t, I assume I’ll sweat to death, or at the very least have a series of small heat strokes throughout the night.

Bringing me back to vacuum day, due to the lack of clothes I wear to bed. I have to be on my game on when I hear the terrorizing sound of hovering in the distance. Among many of my other unconscious habits I’m a pretty heavy sleeper. So when the cleaner briefly screams “vacuum!!!” outside my door, then barges in before I can scream “NO!!!” you can image the horrible things they’ve seen.  When soldiers come back from tours in Iraq, they always say things like “I’ve seen things man, fucked up things”. You shouldn’t feel to bad for them, I feel like a cleaner walking in on me naked sprawled across my bed drooling like Saint Bernard and making threats in my sleep would cause the same if not more emotional damage. This happens a lot….

Read more: Who Let Marmaduke back in the house?

6. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? DRAWING OF HP TOUCHPAD SELLING ON EBAY FOR US$99,900

If you’ve ever thought of purchasing a pet emu and creating a pen for it using plastic flamingos, then this is the drawing for you! Basically its equally amusing.  Oh and I’m fairly certain it will shit less.  The description reads:

“You are bidding on an awful drawing of an HP Touchpad. I’m posting this because I see idiots bidding $300 on $99 tablets, and $850 on a $99 tablet running Android–so I figured maybe someone would be dumb enough to bid on my drawing. Hell, if this sells for over $800, I’ll draw you another one with Android on it AT NO EXTRA COST!

Sure, I’ll admit it: I want a Touchpad, but I’m not spending over $150 on one. Yeah, I hang out on Slick Deal’s 1500+ page forum AS A GUEST looking to snag a deal–go ahead, hate me. But only AFTER bidding on this.

This was drawn on a regular sized sheet of white paper. The drawing is in BLUE pen!–my (and likely your) favorite color. This weighs less than an actual touchpad, is flexible, and is 1/1–you can sleep well at night knowing that you’re different than the thousands of others who got a “real” touchpad. It can also be viewed as a drawing of a 16 or 32 gb one.

And finally, this touchpad drawing is of the rare WHITE one.

Shipping on this is free. It’ll be shipped in a padded envelope. “

See it with your eyeballs HERE.

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