Turns out I was a real asshole in year 7.

Okay so another one from year 7. Turns out I was a real asshole that year. So every year in high school, they send round several cards in homeroom for all the yr12 leavers and you’re required to sign the card despite not knowing half of those bitches. So the card comes round and I’d just heard what I considered a really funny joke. I surveyed the card and found the usual, ‘Goodluck!’, “congratulations on finishing!’- The standard boring crap. So I had a genius idea. I’d write the joke I’d just heard on every card for those bitches and give them something interesting to read. I scribbled, “When I die, I want to be buried upside down so the world can kiss my ass” on all seven cards. The sheer effort! Those bitches should have thanked me. Anyway so the homeroom teacher must have been running some strict surveillance operation on those babies and before I knew it there was this massive interrogation to find the culprit only rivalled by one Spanish inquisition. So I’m sitting there with this hearty conundrum; own up to my genius or let them roar threats at us all morning.

decision time for the troll in question

I kept mum about the whole thing. Maybe some other fucker wanted to claim it. I’m pretty sure there’s something in the bible about doing a good deed and keeping it under wraps. Apparently God’s pretty keen on all that. So the interrogation continues the next day and they’ve gotten hold of hand writing samples (you think I’m making this up, but think again you disbelieving Thomas). I’m fairly certain they’re zeroing in on me at this point. So I bit the bullet (in reality it was a fairly large hunk of cheese) and confessed it was I who wrote the comic fable in question.

What happened next basically set the tone of all my years to come at that particular high school. I was pretty much in all kinds of trouble. If I had known that I would be in that same uneasy predicament countless times to come, I’d have made myself comfortable- and not cried so much.


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