A little thing I like to call, ‘The Preface System’.

There are certain things in this life that require an accompanying preface.  Kind of like how you read a synopsis before you hire a movie.  You stand there read the back cover and look out for words like, ‘dumped’, ‘disastrous’ and ‘Mexican’ in an effort to decipher if the movie is any good.

Ideally, the synopsis provides all vital information you need before viewing and/or beating off to.  The problem is, they never do.  They tell you the actors’ names, the director, the plot and sometimes even the twist- but rarely ever that the main actress’ breasts are so fake they make Paris Hilton look like an al natural Brooke Shields in Blue Lagoon.

Let me give an example of how the preface system would work…

Black Swan:  Great movie, but don’t let the much hyped sex scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis fool you- this isn’t one where you stake out a seat right at the front, a good three rows away from any other sweaty fool who thinks his furious masturbation is aptly concealed- because you won’t be beating off either.  It’s just not that kind of movie.

See! Now isn’t that helpful? You’re now able to view the movie like a perfectly reasonable human being who has been made aware of all the necessary information.

Catfish:  The synopsis tells you the movie is a documentary right?  Right.  But you still spend the entire movie whispering to the equally confused person next to you, “is this real?”  Take it from me; the movie is real, it all really happened, it’s not a set up.

I think you’ll now find that viewing the above movies are perfectly acceptable experiences.

Are you now seeing the beauty of the preface system?  It can carry over to all kinds of things!

Apples. Always tasty but never your first choice.

Sleep.  There is never fuck enough.

Holidays.  Not so relaxing.

Socks.  Don’t plan on knowing where they are- ever.

Books.  Modern trophies.

Curse words.  Fun at any age.

We could pop these little fuckers on stickers! The possibilities are endless.

Well they end when everything is prefaced.  But you catch my drift.  

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