Things you say in your head and things you say on Facebook

Okay so there’s things you say in your head and then things you say on Facebook.  This is important to note because i’d say roughly 70% of you reading this are yet to truly internalize that morsel of wisdom.  Ie.  You’re over sharing motherfuckers.

But let’s move on.

My pal sends me a link entitled, The Kangaroo Communiqué with the acompanying text, “Read a short story by Murakami called the Kangaroo Communique the other night at 3am (delirious and cracking up laughing), thought of you and thought you’d appreciate the dry humour in it with me. So here you go, enjoy my love.”

Which is nice you know, I like to be thought of when you come across something that reads suspiciously like an abomination.  So I read the thing.  It was long.  It was 12pm and I’d just gotten up; I was busy making plans to watch How I Met Your Mother in bed while eating a family sized crunchy block of choc.

So as I dozed off retiring the idea that I’d finish reading the story-of which who’s name I couldn’t pronounce- I thought to myself,

…That story was loooooong. Good but looooooong………….At least the part I read was good……because it was loooooong…..Kangaroos are okay but I have a real fauna boner for emus. Ha Ha fauna boner……..emus really are so much more hilarious to look at…. I want to print that story and take it to one of the hundred kangaroo’s that live 20m from my bedroom window…they so funny… i’ll like shove it in it’s pouch; be all, ‘listen buddy I know you don’t want this story now but come sunday morning you’re going to wish you had something to read over your cafe latte’….haha kangaroo drinking wanky coffee…

I can’t remember anything after that beautiful stream of consciousness so I assume I fell asleep to the thought of kangaroos sitting around drinking coffee, fag in hand.  One had a pair of docs on.

So I wake up.  At some point I remember I need to reply to my pal.  As I fixed my beady eyes upon a little site I like to call Facebook, I begun to ponder what a reasonable human being would reply.  And then I stopped.  Instead, I wrote exactly what I thought in all its ridiculous glory. Well, minus the “Ha Ha fauna boner” and the “haha kangaroo drinking wanky coffee…”

Writing this now, I recall a quote I read on Amy Whitfield’s Blog.  It was by Albert Camus and it said, “Nobody realises that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal”.  It’s not till writing this, that I realised how true this quote really is.

So here we are people.  I’ve learnt to just write what I think, no matter how ridiculous.  I’ve learnt that I will forever think emus are amusing.  I’ve also learnt that  Amy Whitfield’s Blog is amazing and you should do yourself a favour and check it out.All this and it’s only….well fuck, I was going to lie and say 12:30 but it’s fucking 5pm and I have a feeling WordPress will dob on me (or at least record the time published in an accurate fashion). So it took me 5 hours to do something reasonably constructive today BUT I think we can all agree that days spent in bed can be supremely constructive.  

Anyway, that’s all really.

So long fellow reading people.

Live long and prosper.

2 Responses to “Things you say in your head and things you say on Facebook”
  1. sparkles says:

    embrace the inner creep, always.

  2. grandezombie says:

    I’ll be sure to keep that in mind!

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